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No Effems Please!

The world has started to embrace homosexuality. Maybe the “We’re queer. We’re here. Get used to it." has made the world realized its truth. But, just as the world loosens its grip on discriminating “third sex” (whoever coined these words needs to explain who the first was and what the criteria for judging were), discrimination within the ranks is rising fast, more cruel and vicious.

Browsing through gay social networks and dating sites, most of the ads have this warning: “No effems pls.” What is bothersome is that most of these warnings come from straight-acting-trying-hards. Many of them wanted bisexuals, wrongly associating bisexuals with straightacting gays. This is why many would want to be tagged as bisexual even if they’re not. How could a bisexual person spent all his time, resources and effort looking for men and no time for women? Bisexuality is a preference and has nothing to do with the person’s physical appearance.

Effeminate gays are real people with real feelings. They may not be your preferred partner but shutting them down like unwanted creatures is ruthless.

It may not be explicit, but there seem to be ranking among the gays. Given all other things equal, the effeminate gays are rank lower than those who are machos and discreet.

Based on what I know, effeminate gays are friendlier and better persons than the pretentious and egotistical not-so-straighacting-trying-hard-to-look-like-one or bisexuals as they would want to be tagged.


  1. "pretentious and egotistical not-so-straighacting-trying-hard-to-look-like-one or bisexuals"

    I love it! i couldnt agree more.. i mean no offense to them but generally speaking not all of them would agree if they'll be called gays!

    Birds of the same feather, may not be the same bird but all of them eat WORM!

  2. i fight with 2 colleagues (not filipino) here insinuating that majority of the filipinos are gays. i punched them on the face, buti na lang di ako naterminate.

    i'm proud to ba gay but please don't call me gay. i dont want to call myself bisexual coz as what geisha commented, "i like worms too." basta quite ka na lang dahil (baka) kapag nakama kita, sasabihin mong straight gay ka nga, hahaha!!!

  3. @Geisha, yup, all of them eat worms.. all those birds.., hehehe.

    @MrCerns, it's good to be quite and silent... silently devastating.. hehehe.. quiet and dangerous...

  4. it is a problem in our society. i even was guilty at some time.

  5. Oh common Ming Meows, i'll scratch your back.. hahahaha!! kidding..

  6. malalim.malaman.ayus. :p

  7. My opinion is that there is much more to a person than one’s outward behavior. Eh ano kung effem? Eh ano problema dun? While I totally respect your preferences in selecting a partner (as I have mine as well), I encourage you to try to look for more than just the outward behavior in evaluating people. Di ba nga, sabi sa Little Prince, “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” For me, the lesson from all these is — more than just the semantics and labels — embracing who you really are, being comfortable with the truth, and celebrating the beauty of it all (yours and others), minus the prejudices and judgement.

  8. @flamindevil, thanks.

    @Banshee, I agree with you.

  9. I agree with you. There is discrimination even among gays. The top offenders are those that bastardize the English language and study of human sexuality. Those who equate straight acting with bisexuality. Gosh the fact that it is acting, it is not for real. I agree with one gay who labeled those bi-klas as sexual climbers. Yun lang po. Peace and happy hearts' day to all!

  10. @Anonymous, so sad but it's happening...

  11. I remember my tito, he said he's not gay, he's BI-sexual daw..

    I said "Oh BI the way, you're also gay!!"

  12. @Anonymous, lol! and your tito didn't hit you.. haha!

  13. Oh My? this blog is brilliant and I appreciate much the said article.... so reaching out to those effeminate ones including me..

    And people here are seem to go by also :)
    Have a nice day peeps ...:)

    It's really nice to live through the rainbow world.:)

  14. Ganun naman talkaga e! Walang magagawa..... Its really happening!

    Lets adventure!

  15. @Aison, we all eat worms and worms will eat us someday..hehe, we are all the same. You're welcome.

    @Richard, you like adventure huh! I also would like to see Mindoro one day.

  16. Are the websites/blogsites being referred to American or Pinoy sites?

    Somehow I cannot blame some people who would not want to be associated with effeminate gays. Some are simply scandalous, ill-mannered, too "gossipy" (if there is such a word), and downright disloyal sometimes. I have experienced that with a similar gay. No longer will I associate with people of the same ilk - I refuse to get burned twice. I have also noticed how such gays in general act so badly in public. For example, me and my BF encounter this a lot: while walking together, or in line to buy something, or while eating together, effem gays would look at us and then whisper to each other then laugh or smirk and sometimes would point at us. That is simply not acceptable. Compared to gay females (lizzies), they are the gutter types. Lesbians just hold hands and show their love for each other in public and do not care about others as well they should be. Mind your own BIZ! Get your own BF and don't insult others simply becoz you ain't got one. I have often confronted gays like that and told them off to their shock. I simply will not tolerate that behavior.

  17. Some people also would like some privacy and would not want to advertise so they avoid effem gays who are somewhat akin to someone walking around wearing a big sign that says "I am gay." Nothing's wrong with that I guess if you are that sort of personality. But some people choose not too -- being gay even at this day and age is still too dangerous if you let the world know you are one, specially if don't have economic/clout power like celebs and powerful people have. It is safer to be in the closet. But if you chose to, make sure you do not hurt people by your behavior. BE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS. That's all we or I ask of you.

  18. phillip the flip17 February, 2009

    Perhaps what is irritating is the fact that both types of persons hate each other, and the sad thing is, its all a product of misconception. The effeminates believe that the bisexuals are all actually gays in the closet, and they are irritated by the fact that the "guys" can act like guys and go around with guys without feeling a bit off. While the Bisexuals are mad at the the effeminates because effeminates "out" them to their friends as GAYS!, when the real bisexual really is BISEXUAL, meaning ACDC, or prefers members of both sexes without exclusivity?

    I dont understand it myself. I am a bisexual. I enjoy sex with men and with women. I am also monogamous. But when people learn that i consider myself as Bisexual, they start treating me like I am a gay person with a lot of things to hide! and it ticks me off, like i am guilty of something that i am not!

    Now, if the effeminates can only understand that, and they can control the spill over of their hate and spite (guess who exercises the worst kind of crab mentality - effems!), I'd think the LGBT world will be a better place of all of us.

  19. reaction to phillip the flip...
    the reason why people misconstrue you as gay is that the LGTB group is diverse but compacted in but one category...the third sex...

    And to those close-minded straight acting gays and bisexuals...
    true enough, that discrimination within our ranks is more disgusting than those from straight people. Make up your minds, or this battle for sexual freedom would take a step backward....

  20. i believe this is one of the BEST comment I have ever read in my entire damn life... Bravo... Well done

  21. you got it all wrong. maybe the sites that encountered are dating sites. i'm a gayman and i'm not going to brand myself as "straight-acting" because this is who i am. i'm proud to be gay but it doesn't suggest that i'm effeminate. this is just who i am and i'm looking for partners who's the same as me.

    so those who are saying "no effems please" plainly looking for the same kind not really discriminating the effeminates or the shemales or the transgender community.

  22. talking about discrimination when it is clear on this posting that you are looking down on your so-called "not-so-straighacting-trying-hard-to-look-like-one or bisexuals as they would want to be tagged" and the actual guys who does not prefer effeminate guys. Let us practice what we preach.


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